


An Incomplete List of Things Crowley Didn't Do But Took Credit For Anyway

by shella688



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Some Swearing, crowley has BDE (Big Dumbass Energy), crowley's good at forging paperwork, god said gay rights, say what you want about him, things not working properly even after you've given them a good thumping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 20:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19236613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shella688/pseuds/shella688
Summary: There is a list of things that Crowley did that he's proud of. There's a slightly shorter list of things he's done that he's not so proud of.There's also a very long list of things he's not done that he's taken credit for anyway. Hey, take recognition where you can get it.





	An Incomplete List of Things Crowley Didn't Do But Took Credit For Anyway

1) The French Revolution

A classic, really, even before the escapades of one angel with a crepe craving.

Crowley was over in France to get outrageously drunk.  
(This is a common theme over his existence)

When people started dying, it took a while for him to notice. When people started dying in fuckoff huge quantities, orchestrated by their own kind no less, he spotted an opportunity and figured it was time to sober up and _carpe_ the hell out of this _diem_. For a snake, he can be surprisingly vulture-like when necessary.  
(This is also quite a common theme over his existence)

Some slightly forged paperwork later, the demon Crowley was the proud initiator of one revolution with a commendation on the way.

A job well done, in his opinion.

 

2) The Sinking of Atlantis

No-one knows why Atlantis sank. Some say a vengeful lower-case-g god, some say a freak weather event, and some say it was intentional on the part of the Atlanteans.

(I know why, but it wouldn't be ineffable if I went around just _telling_ everyone, would it?) 

Quite simply, it was there and then it wasn't.

Aziraphale had noticed first, and brought it to Crowley's attention over one lunch. 

If there's one thing Crowley loves more than anything (or any _one_ ) else, it's being a dramatic little bitch.

His presentation to Hell was impressive.

It had illustrations.

 

3) The English Language

Look me in the eye and tell me the English language isn't the result of unholy demonic intervention. You'd be right, but it'd come as a shock; not least of all to Hell, who were quite pleased with Crowley for once.

Aziraphale, who at this point was only not owning a bookshop in Soho because Soho didn't exist yet, was horrified.

It was a day of surprising reactions for sure.

 

4) Selfies

He was pretty sure Heaven had invented self-portraits - especially the huge opulent ones you pose for surrounded by all your riches.  
The camera is a fully human invention.

One day, some bugger put the two together and we've all been suffering ever since.

To be truthful, both Heaven and Hell were impressed with selfies, and for not dissimilar reasons.

Crowley took credit for selfies as a whole, but there was one part he was specifically pleased with "creating."

Dangerous selfies. Over-edited selfies. Ones where the taker had scrutinised hundreds, looking for the one photo that fits unobtainble standards of perfection or beauty.

He tried not to think of the ethics of it too much.

 

5) Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping (No, Not The Person)

Crowley didn't so much as take credit for this as was given it by the various Lords of Hell.

Ever since humanity started creating things to sell, there have been vendors ensuring they would still have a job in the future. After all, it's no use selling a ladder that will last for generations if it means those generations don't spend their money (or shells, or shiny rocks, or, on one slightly odd occasion, other ladders) at your shop in the future.

Cue things designed not to work properly after a while, even after whacking them with a big stick. 

Of course, Crowley graciously accepted the credit with the behaviour of one searching for both traps and a quick exit.


End file.
